Category Archives: Newpapers
Saving Private Ryan
Mad Magazine did a great satire on the Saving Private Ryan movie poster. It was titled Trading Private Bergdahl “they got five taliban leaders, we got one deserting weasel”.
In the actual movie, a Lincoln channeling General George Marshall gives orders to find Private Ryan. The hapless job falls to platoon leader Captain Miller.
During the search, Miller has to decide whether to keep a German prisoner or press on to find Ryan. He releases the Jihadi, er German, only to have come back later in the flick and kill one of his men.
When they finally find Ryan, Miller tells him all his brothers have been killed in battle and he has orders to bring him home. Ryan refuses saying the men he is with are his brothers now and he won’t leave them behind. Not exactly a Private Bergdahl moment, but hey, it’s a movie.
Even though they’re way outnumbered by the Germans, Captain Miller and his men stay, and they all get killed. Not really, but Captain Miller does. Miller’s dying words to Private Ryan are, “earn this”.
Saving Private Ryan
To further prove life is unfair, Private Ryan lost out to Shakespeare in Love for Best Picture in 1998.
Anyway, I thought this might be a good way to mark the 70th anniversary of D-Day.
Victory Tea Party
Mitch McConnell stomped his Tea Party primary opponent on Tuesday. The Daily Beast says the Tea Party is “losing battles but winning the war” by pulling establishment Republicans their way.
Happy Meals Ready to Eat
In an effort to stem Russian aggression the United States is arming Ukraine with Meals Ready to Eat (MRE). On another front, our hashtag assault was hijacked by the Russians who adopted the same hashtag #UnitedforUkraine on their tweets. LOL.
Or don’t laugh. It might be working. Putin claims to have pulled back. Maybe he doesn’t need to invade. Pro-Russian separatists in the Donetsk region of eastern Ukraine held a referendum and claim 90% voted for secession.
Putin was so happy he scored six goals. No word if the goalie was from Donetsk.
Benghazi Select Committee
Trey Gowdy will is ringmaster for the House select committee on Benghazi. Republicans on previous committees haven’t been able to resist the TV cameras.
Waiving the Individual Mandate for Sainthood
Four popes, two living and two not so much, gathered at the Vatican on Sunday for a papal Hall of Fame induction. The wildly popular and beloved Pope Francis canonized the wildly popular and beloved Pope John Paul II and Pope John XXIII. It was a two for one not seen since the middle ages. The brains of the operation, emeritus Pope Benedict XVI, assisted. Daily Beast called it a Pope-a-polooza.
John Paul II ended communism. John XXIII ended meatless Fridays. They’ve been called bookends of the Second Vatican Council
Individual Mandate for Sainthood Waivers
John Paul II took the High Speed Escalator to Heaven when Benedict XVI waived the 5 year saintly waiting period. Francis greased the skids for John XXIII by granting a waiver of the two miracle mandate for sainthood.
Here’s Peggy Noonan capturing the sweeping grandeur of the event. And here is Maureen Dowd capturing the sweeping under the rug of the priest sex abuse scandals.
