Western Water Wars


Western Water Wars went wild last week when young Dallas Swonger peed in an Oregon reservoir and forgot to flush.

Thanks to the Water Bureau’s quick thinking response, the three parts per billion of Swonger effluent were safely removed by draining 38 million gallons of water. No deaths or injuries were reported.

Portland City Commissioner Nick Fish – yes that’s his real name – humbly accepted credit for the life saving action:

“I didn’t have a choice. I don’t have the luxury of slicing it too thin when there’s a potential risk, however small, to public health,” he said. “Frankly, it’s one of those calls where you know you’re likely to be criticized no matter what. The professionals who report to me all said, ‘Dump the water. Don’t take any chances.’ It’s the conservative but correct call.”


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